I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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