I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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