I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
