I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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