My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
