I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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