How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
