After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
