Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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