Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I faked an abortion last night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
