when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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