I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
