i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
