i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You ruined the universe
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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