broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
