We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
