miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
