Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
