I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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