woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize