I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
