windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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