Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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