There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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