I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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