I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
