I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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