Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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