Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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