I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
