Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
