We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
