Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I look better un-naked...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
