I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
