He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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