My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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