I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
