what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
