so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.