i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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