I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.