I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful