hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila