Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.

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  (843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone. http://tfl.nu/rlid
  Replies (69) Good night (5043) Bad night (720)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.

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  (303): I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants. http://tfl.nu/0mqu
  Replies (10) Good night (650) Bad night (3563)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.

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  (734): The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister. http://tfl.nu/1i96
  Replies (18) Good night (6914) Bad night (1148)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest

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  (413): this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest http://tfl.nu/t110
  Replies (22) Good night (5291) Bad night (885)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic

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  (713): I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic http://tfl.nu/5us9
  Replies (3) Good night (4075) Bad night (999)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles

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  (301): He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles http://tfl.nu/qmb2
  Replies (8) Good night (1407) Bad night (2456)
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  (925): View more from California

  I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.

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  (925): I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts. http://tfl.nu/g61c
  Replies (8) Good night (1002) Bad night (3441)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just puked in my drinking hat.

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  (708): Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending! (207): I just puked in my drinking hat. http://tfl.nu/2gwn
  Replies (1) Good night (2057) Bad night (907)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.

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  (519): Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth. http://tfl.nu/ne7c
  Replies (5) Good night (697) Bad night (386)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.

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  (563): smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never. http://tfl.nu/qbl5
  Replies (6) Good night (392) Bad night (662)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.

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  (614): Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/o52k
  Replies (6) Good night (852) Bad night (361)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.

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  (+44): She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn. http://tfl.nu/qwtm
  Replies (0) Good night (598) Bad night (320)
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  (408): View more from California

  I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.

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  (408): I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic. http://tfl.nu/wiyb
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (314)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.

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  (425): Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home. http://tfl.nu/vg5q
  Replies (0) Good night (246) Bad night (351)
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  (845): View more from New York

  should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"

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  (845): should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me" http://tfl.nu/qqbr
  Replies (9) Good night (648) Bad night (247)

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