I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
