One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
