last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were trust falling into bushes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
