what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
