Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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