if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
