i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
