And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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