I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
