Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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