And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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