It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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