so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
