do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
