How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Come on in and take your pants off
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