they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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