My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
