forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think my mom watched the whole time
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
