hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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