I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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