guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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