may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
