the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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