you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize