now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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