My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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