When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
