Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do