So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.