His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point