you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is wine microwaveable?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen