Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
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Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.