I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
