she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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