i can't believe i had my finger in that
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
