don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
