It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
