i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
