Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
