I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
