is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize