I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
