I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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